​This short writing is based around a simple question, and the question is this: If you spoke to your best friend in the same way that you speak to yourself, would they still be your friend? If you’re anything like most people, the answer is probably no. But why is it that we are often our own worst enemies? And why are we always our own biggest critics? Most people go through life telling themselves that they are bad at their job, not worthy of love, too fat, too old, or too stupid. Could you imagine if your friends started talking to you like that? You would obviously not be friends with them anymore. But why is it that we allow ourselves to speak like that, but not other people? If there’s one person you should expect to be your biggest supporter, it’s yourself!

The tone in which you speak to yourself should be that of a supportive friend who wishes the best for you in every area of life and also loves you enough to also tell you the truth. There’s nothing wrong with being critical of your actions, failures, and achievements, but you must be careful to only criticize yourself in a constructive and empowering manner. Remember that it is often not the words that others speak that hurt us the most, but it is what we say to ourselves that does the real damage.

David J. Schwartz, Ph.D., author of The Magic of Thinking Big, wrote this truth; “Thinking success conditions your mind to create plans that produce success. Thinking failure does the exact opposite. Failure thinking conditions the mind to think other thoughts that produce failure.” How much of your dominating thoughts do you think would be considered as “failure thinking?” This is a very important question to ask yourself every day.

We must always remember that thought is the birthplace of action. Every action we have ever undertaken first started with a simple thought. A person does not simply wake up one day after a life of being a law abiding citizen and then go out and rob a store. That action started with a simple thought which in turn led to a string of more dominating thoughts that then lead to actions that brought those thoughts to life. If you are constantly thinking negative things about your partner those thoughts will lead to more dominating thoughts of the same nature and then you will start to act out on the feelings that are most prominent in your mind. Divorces do not happen over night. It all starts with simple thoughts. So what are the things that you are saying to yourself about your relationships, work, and life? If you currently hate yourself it's probably because you have started speaking very negatively to yourself.

In my view no one wrote so perfectly on the power of our subconscious thoughts as Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich. In his book Hill wrote that “Positive and negative emotions cannot occupy the mind at the same time. One or the other must dominate. It is your responsibility to make sure the positive emotions constitute the dominating influence of your mind. Form the habit of applying and using the positive emotions! Eventually, they will dominate your mind so completely, that the negatives cannot enter.”

So what thoughts are dominating your mind right now? In order to learn more about yourself and your own inner talk I would like to set you a challenge. Over the next few days I would like you to keep a small journal with you. Pay close attention to the inner dialogue that is happening. Listen to the dominating thoughts in your mind and every time you tell yourself something you should write it in your journal. After a few days I want you to review the journal and decide if the majority of your thoughts are constructive and encouraging or negative and demeaning. If your thoughts are mostly negative then it is time to take your inner-speak seriously, and you must begin to insert greater positivity into your life. For help with building a more positive speak in your mind and life you can see my other writings, including The Power and Influence of Gratitude. When you start to take your dominating thoughts more seriously, and when you become intentional with the words you speak to yourself soon you will know the joy that is found in the rise to the good life.